i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize