I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
