sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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