Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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