If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
