I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
