legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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