PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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