they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
