yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I smell stomach acid.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
