Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and she was petting her beer can
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
