I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
