if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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