i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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