this just has baby written all over it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
