i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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