32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
