hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
