Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
