u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
