I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
