he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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