matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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