I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
