So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
