i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just cropdusted the office
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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