"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
jump out the window naked night went bad
we should paint friendship bongs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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