take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
