my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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