I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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