and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
