I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
