i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
