I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
