I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
