i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
