another moral hangover. fuck.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
