I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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