So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
