Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
