I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
