Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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