I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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