Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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