I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
