I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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