I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
