I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
