if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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