he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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