She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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