Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
