as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
