I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
